The Man with the Biggest Fiber (Network) Still Wins

It’s a dog-eat-dog world out there. And the Corporate Wolves are loving it.

Now, don’t mistake me for a left-wing, socialist hippie. I’m just a blue-collar person tired of paying more than the Frogs for necessary services. Yes, the internet is necessary.

In a time (and a country) where democracy is touted as the best form of government in the world, you’d think that the internet, the most democratic innovation of the 21st century, would be equally accessible to all. Unfortunately it’s not, and as is evidenced by my own deathly slow DSL connection and my increasing dependence on the free wireless at the local library, the best internet access remains inaccessible to a large number of people.

Comcast, Time Warner, and Verizon are the only companies large enough to be able to afford the expense of extending high-speed fiber to homes across the U.S., and the lack of competition allows them to get their money’s worth. (For more information on this instance of the failure of capitalism, see Professor Yochai Benkler’s op-ed.) Everyone knows that cable and internet bills are extremely expensive, and I did the comparison- it would cost me more than my health insurance to get connected every month. Which is why I was excited to hear that Google has it in the works to experimentally provide broadband service to at least 50,000 (and possibly up to 500,000) homes.

Google is the only company with enough resources to even begin to make a mark in the market, and if they wanted to take their initiative even further, they could take a page from the European playbook and share the cost of laying new fiber with future competitors, which would allow them to reach an even larger audience. Their Android platform is already doing a good job of giving the iPhone a run for its money (don’t worry, I’m still a Mac person), and I hope for all our sakes that they can get this new project off the ground and to a level where even I can reap the benefits.

There must be something different in the water

It’s official.  American men just don’t make the cut.  After having travelled  a bit myself, and comparing notes with my girlfriends, I have come to the conclusion that foreign men are somehow…superior?

Don’t get me wrong, I am a full-blooded American- well, that’s not true, I’m only half- but I have all the necessary patriotic sentiments. America the Beautiful, home of the free and the brave!

And interestingly enough, while I was living abroad, I really missed American men. I wanted a manly man, someone who was as wary of committment as I was, someone who knew how to just date for extended periods of time. 

Then I came home, and was awakened from my romantic reverie. American men are manly men- macho and clueless.

So I went back to dating European guys- men who said they were in love after three weeks, men who cried when we broke up, men who were really good at cuddling.

Disclaimer: The sample of European men included French, Italian, and German. And I’ve only dated American guys from the East Coast, two from the Midwest and one from Texas.

He’s not that into you— or maybe he’s just an A-hole.

I know this book has been out there for quite sometime, but with the movie coming out and all I thought I’d add my 2 cents.

This book is stupid and it sucks. I don’t even know if I can name all the reasons why, but I’ll start with this obvious one: it makes it seem like its the women’s own shortcomings that are the problem. I feel like the overall theme of the book is “He doesn’t think you’re good enough, but some dude will eventually… go find that asshole!” Empowering, isn’t it!

Why the hell are you telling women to sit around wondering “duh is he that into me?” like some poor dipshit when she really ought to be thinking “Am I getting what I want out of this relationship? Am I happy? Is he treating me how I want to be treated?” If you’re picking up this book, then chances are you aren’t getting what you want… and THAT is the important thing, ladies.

There reasons men do the things they do are countless and varied. Some of them have absolutely nothing to do with the women they are dating. And some guys are just dicks.

I have one more comment to add to this silly drivel that is marketed to women who have low self esteem: Do you even remember how that episode of Sex & the City ended? Miranda’s date says he wants to go home instead of get coffee with her after dinner, to which she replies “It’s ok, you can admit it! You’re just not that into me!” And then it turns out he just had really bad diarrhea from the Indian food they just ate.

Anything that overgeneralizes is probably bullshit. Including “He’s just not that into you”.

Love and the Lengths We Go to Hold onto It

So I must admit, I am guilty of some major slackerism. But as I explain, I am a major procrastinator. I procrastinate procrastination and this blog is not exempt from this habit I have, good, bad, or for worse. Will it be my undoing…who knows? Now to the point…

I just read an essay for my Japanese Modern Lit Class and I think it raised some interesting points about one my favorite subjects: LOVE…

Kitamura Tokoku describes loves as “the key that unlocks humanity.” He goes further saying, “Love is the miracle that inscribes itself indelibly on the human heart, never to be erased.” I agree with this statement. After falling in love, it seemed like a whole new world or dimension was unlocked for me. I saw beauty in the world especially when I was with beloved. The world seemed dim when I was not with him. My love was the source of an undeniable and very addictive high. I was a wretched fiend without it and I pursued it relentlessly trying to get my next fix. I can say nine months after it is over that I am still a recovering love addict. It seems that Tokoku and I are in agreement when he adds, “Love gives life to the person and brings to life also the world about him/her.”

This leads to another point Tokoku makes, “After s/he has experienced love does a man or woman really become a person. Only after s/he has sacrificed him or herself to love, does he see himself as s/he really is: love becomes a clear mirror reflecting self.”

Yes, it was in love that I saw the best and worse of myself. It’s the worse aspect that was drawn out of me that I lament the most. But it is only in seeing the worse of myself that I am truly growing to be in touch with myself. Through it, I have uncovered the building blocks to construct a much stronger and resilient me. But to what lengths did I go to get high after high, fix after fix??? I neglected myself, jeopardized my relationships with others, abandoned my home, my sanctuary. To what lengths have you gone to get your high or keep your love relationship going?

When times were good I felt on top of the world…impenetrable to its troubles and when times were on the decline I felt that the loss of my love would surely mean he would take my sanity with it if one day he woke up and called it quits.

Now reflecting over my love or should I call it an infatuation or dangerous obsession???… I now see what Tokuko explains, “Love begins with one’s falling in love with one’s own idea: the object of this love is but a phantom.” I ponder to what degree was I in love with this person or some day-dream I had conjured up over the course of my first eighteen years of life exposed to love letters, romantic gestures, and Hollywood “and they lived happily ever after” nonsense? Once the honeymoon phase of the relationship is over and the veil is torn, you truly see the person for who he or she really is…good, bad, ugly, and indifferent. To realize that the person who I thought I loved with every fiber of my being did not exist was too much to bear. It’s not to say he did not exist in the flesh because he did, but the man that stood before me seemed like a sad case of stolen identity of my true beloved. Once the rose colored lenses I wore were torn from my face and stomped to the ground, I did not want to believe or accept the reality I saw before my eyes. I tried desperately to make this impostor my love “object”. Where is he? Where is the man that I invested almost two years getting to know? How unfair was I? What delusions I had conjured in my mind?!!! It took me many disappointments, fights, sleepless nights, and salty tears to realize my mistake and to grow to accept my “beloved” that lie next to me in the flesh. However the realization that my efforts to alter who was before me to fit this falsehood I had constructed in my mind was futile …it may have come to late.

This leads to me to one last thought sparked by Tokuku’s thoughts, “Woman is a creature of feeling; she very often loves because she is loved. Her proper place is to receive love rather than to give it.” I wonder to what extent my passion would have been ignited if I did not experience his love in return, if my love had been unrequited? To what extent was I in love with the idea of being loved and receiving his love? Perhaps I received my answer when his love was no longer mine and I continued to love him anyway, but felt starved for something else. To what extent did I desire to love myself as he loved and adored me? Perhaps what I was seeking all along was self-love, acceptance of self, an encounter with my own humanity? He just took me to that place…

The Cinderella Complex

Cinderella Complex, also known as: Looking for Mr. Right, Seeking that Special Person, and Waiting for The One.

This complex affects over 90% of the unsuspecting female population.  Its symptoms include feelings of dissatisfaction with and distrust of men, failure to lower one’s standards, and if left unattended, can result in Long-Term Single-ness.

The treatment is simple, and if detected early, most women can survive an attack.
The cause, however, is deceitfully subtle and the Complex is notoriously hard to uproot once it has taken hold.

The problem lies in one’s Expectations.

I never kidded myself that my knight in shining armor would come riding along and sweep me off my feet and on to Happily Ever After. No man is perfect, and 95% of them out there are deeply flawed.

Nevertheless, it seems that I am the unfortunate sufferer of a Cinderella Complex.  I am still waiting for my Prince Charming.
I’m sure all of my Hopeless Romantics out there can sympathize.

I’m a Modern Woman, savvy in the Ways of the World.  I’ve heard time and time again all that stuff about how no woman should ever be Waiting for a Man, every woman should be Happy with Herself First- all that blathering about Self-Fulfillment.

The fact of the matter is that I still dream of Growing Old With Someone, and not just any Someone.  I want a man who lives up to my Expectations, who fulfills my Needs (mostly emotional and physical; I make my own money.)- a man who complements (or completes, whichever way you look at it) my own personality, and obviously no Average Joe is going to make the cut.  Not to mention the fact that I have certain other ideas about what makes a Real Man, and some (if not all) of these ideas are fueled by what Society thinks makes a Real Man.

So, with each new failed relationship, my disappointment grows greater and I begin to despair of every finding anyone Out There.  My diagnosis of Cinderella Complex in other women is confirmed by the fact that my girlfriends tell me to stop worrying, that there’s Someone For Everyone, and if I just leave it alone He will just magically come into my life when I least expect it.  Doesn’t that sound like a Cinderella Complex to you?

So what can we do ladies, when we get to a certain point in our lives and realize that we have, in fact, been waiting around for Prince Charming?  We can stop waiting.  Prince Charmng isn’t out there.  Neither is Average Joe.  Instead, we can have fun with the Toms, Dicks, Harrys, Nicks, Matts, Aarons, Mikes, Dans, Chrises, Bens, and even a few Joshes. Nobody’s perfect.  Don’t expect your guy to be.  And don’t dismiss a guy because he doesn’t seem special enough.  It’s up to you to find out what’s good (and bad) in him, and see how that goes with what’s good (and bad) in you.  To get over our Cinderella Complexes we have to realize that we can rescue ourselves, and maybe a few of the guys too.

Do you think you’re suffering from C.C.? And guys, that goes for you too.  Are you still looking for that perfect woman- the one who can cook, and is always understanding, and really hot in bed?  Do you think that girls really do have Cinderella Complexes?

Debunking the Myth: Men Want Women They Can’t Have

Many women will say, “Men always want women they can’t have” meaning “Men want a woman more when that woman shows little interest in him”.  This statement, as a general rule, is false.  Men (heterosexual men that is) always want women. Period.  It just so happens that some times that that woman does not want that man.  Her lack of interest does not, I repeat, does not make her more desirable.  Truthfully, on the inside, most guys wish that woman would come talk to them, but 99.9% of the time they won’t.  This means that the man has to pursue the woman.  This places the man in an awkward position, because if he is rejected he is left to wonder, “Is she playing hard to get because women think that men only want women who show little interest?  Or is she genuinely not interested?” 4 out of 5 times she is genuinely not interested in him seriously, but she likes the attention so she gives him just enough to keep him around a bit.  This whole time, the guy is wondering whether or not she is feeling him, and women are looking at the poor guy like, “See… I told you.  They always want women they can’t have.”  And so the cycle continues.  The moral of this story: you are better off just masturbating, homey.

If I Could Just Touch the Hem of His Brooks Brothers Suit…

I swear to God, America has developed an “If I Could Just Touch the Hem of His Garment” complex with Barack Obama (for those of you not familiar with the New Testament that is a reference to the woman with the hemorrhage who said if she could just touch the hem of Jesus’s robe she would be healed. She touched it, and she was healed). Anyway, it seems the media is looking for anyone and I mean ANYONE who knew Barack or Michelle Obama at some point before he ran for public office. It is ridiculous. They will find that person who took Barack’s drivers license picture back in Hawaii and ask them dumb questions like, “Would you ever have guessed that he would be president one day?” The answer is NO. Just like guys at Yale didn’t know that the coke head doing a keg stand on their coffee table was going to be president one day (George W. Bush). I swear news outlets have entire staffs devoted to finding people that knew the Obamas back in the day. One day you are going to turn on the news and see this:

In this CNN exclusive, we have the woman Barack dated… before Michelle Reporter: So when did you first meet Barack?

Woman: Well it was at a party at Harvard. He was really quiet.

Reporter: How long were you in a relationship with President-Elect Obama?

Woman: Back then, we just called him Barry. And it wasn’t much of a relationship… actually we just hooked up that night at the party.

Reporter: I see, so… when you were “hooking up”, did you know you were sucking the future 44th president’s dick?

And this is the shit people are calling news nowadays. We have an economy in shambles, Israel is blasting Gaza, people are losing jobs… and the media wants to know “who knew Barack 15 years ago” or what dog Sasha and Maliah are going to get. I will put an end to this madness: No one really knew Barack was going to become president one day and if they say they did they are lying and the kids are getting a pitbull… or a rottweiler. Some really hood dog.

I’m Just Sayin’…

It’s that time of year again. We’re two weeks into January and the New Year’s Resolutions are now just frustrating reminders of our complete lack of self-discipline. (Which makes me wonder, why do we have this tradition anyway? Think about it- every year, to start off the year, we focus on our worst personal traits and concentrate on changing them, which only serves to make us focus on our worst personal traits, because how often do we ever really stop eating so many chocolate-chip cookies? Or get up at 5 every morning to go run 10 miles?)

It is also the time of year when we are done with vacation and heading back to the drudgery of our regular lives. Work, eat, sleep, drink, drink some more, pass out.  Why give ourselves the extra stress of trying to fight against our natural tendencies on top of that?

I know the idea is to “better yourself” and to “grow,” working towards some personal goal you’ve set for yourself.  But why do we even have this drive anyways? If someone is really dissatisfied with something, I mean really, truly dissatisfied, she’ll make the effort to change it, New Year’s Resolution or not.  Otherwise, we don’t really have the motivation and we’re just making more work for ourselves. And most of us make resolutions based on what we think we’re supposed to be like, or supposed to want, without taking into consideration who we really are as a person.

I didn’t even bother with a Resolution this year, because in the two weeks of the New Year, I’ve made fifty resolutions (with a lower-case “r”) and haven’t kept but a few of them. Granted, sometimes they were short-term resolutions like, “I’m getting drunk tonight!” or “I’m getting laid tonight!” or “I’m going to buy myself something nice today.” (I kept those kinds of resolutions.)  But I also made grander, long-term plans. Things like- “I will lose ten pounds this month,” and “I will be more realistic this year,” and “I am going to make time for all those little things,” and “I am going to be punctual,” and “I will love myself more.”

I’ve found it harder to keep on top of those.

Deep down inside, I liked the old way of doing things. You know you did too.  It was comfortable(-ish) and familiar.  At this point in my life, I know my own vices and I like them just fine.  So what if I tend to drink a glass of wine (or two) too many when I go out? It just means I had a better time.  So what if I tend to get anyplace at least fifteen minutes late?  That just means that I was having a lot of fun with whatever I was doing before.  So what if I’ve gained a little weight this past year? I love food, and that means I was having a lot of something I love.
And I think we secretly need to have something wrong with our lives. What else would we talk about in awkward social gatherings if we couldn’t complain about ourselves?

Fine, go ahead, make (and break) your resolutions. You were probably much better off as you were to begin with.  But don’t say I didn’t tell you it was a futile task.

So what were your New Year’s Resolutions? (It’s ok, you don’t have to admit if you haven’t kept them.) Did you go with the little things or the big things? Or did you do like me and just avoid the problem altogether?

I’m just sayin’…Old habits die hard.

Ponderings

If you could do anything you wanted for a day with no repercussions, what would you do?

The “No Unicorns” Religion

I really want to write about the New York Times article I just read on the atheist bus movement in London and now around the world.  I’ve been trying to think of something clever to say about it, like using the evidence of their organization around one man, Richard Dawkins (pastor?  prophet?), as proof that there is an Atheist religion.  But the first hit off my Google search for “atheist religion” led me to some British atheist’s blog and his very persuasive argument against the possibility of an atheist religion.  Apparently that would be akin to saying that if I don’t believe in unicorns, I must belong to the “No unicorns” religion.  Touche, Mr. Barnett.  I will forgo all attempts to accuse you of being religious.

I could talk instead about how the advertisements that these atheist groups are running in London self-defeatingly proclaim “There’s probably no god.  Now stop worrying and enjoy your life” rather than saying “There is no god” (emphases mine).  Dawkins, of course, would rather have it say the latter, but – and I’m not sure if I buy this – apparently advertisement regulations prohibit the ads from saying that there absolutely is no god, hence the “probably”.  Here’s something I can pick on.  Why bother selling a product that you can’t promise will work?  Pascal once made an argument for people like that  – commonly called agnostics (or, according to my philosophy professor, cautious atheists) – and its called Pascal’s Wager.  Wikipedia link here.  Pascal makes a reasonable argument for belief in God based on probability, essentially saying that no matter how improbable it is that God exists, it is still more rational to wager that God exists.  I’m sure the theologically-inclined could take issue with some of the suggestions implicit in the Wager, but the point is still made.  Nevertheless, I admire Richard Dawkins and company for standing up for their beliefs and attempting to stick it to the Man.  Or His shadow, anyway, since in their book the Man probably doesn’t exist.  Nor unicorns, for that matter.