I’ve got a Democratic senate seat for sale! This is the position once held by president-elect Obama that helped propel him into his newfound glory. Do you have presidential aspirations? Want to follow in his footsteps? Then this is the position for you! You too could be an Illinois senator!

Payment options:
1) A substantial salary for myself, either at a non-profit foundation or a labor union organization.

2) Placing my wife on a paid corporate board.

3) Campaign funds. I accept cash money up front!

4) A cabinet post or an ambassadorship for Yours Truly.

This is the opportunity of a lifetime, not to be missed! Remember: “I’m just not giving it up for fucking nothing. I’m not gonna do it!!”