Have You Ever Made Love to a Weirdo?

So I’m relatively new to this whole blogging thing and to me its like when you first start sex.  Like, don’t get me wrong… I’m a well endowed blogger, but like when you first start having sex and it’s not at all mind blowing. But its still nice, so you keep trying the same 2 moves for a while just to see if the lack luster first time was just a fluke or like nerves or some shit… and no, its still not that great.  Then you meet that older woman, who decides to take you under her wing and turn you into a world class lover.  And she like, takes you through the kama sutra and you watch soft core porn, so you can learn how to truly please a woman.  And the sex gets better and better and better… for her, and at first you are kinda proud that you give her the best orgasm she has ever had. Then you realize, “I have been fingering and eating this girl out for like 3… 4 weeks. Can I at least get a handjob?”  Eventually you and the older woman part ways (because thats always how it is on like… those pornos that come on Oxygen at 2 in the morning. The woman just like bounces and leaves you in the bed naked… and steals your wallet and shit) and you are like “Fuck!”. So eventually you get yourself together, and you get back on the dating scene and what not, you meet a girl, and you leave so you all can get busy.  So on the way to your place, all those things that the older woman taught you are going through your mind and you think “I am going to blow this girls mind”. So you go through the necessary flirty bullshit once you get to your place because it was a long drive and you both had kinda lost the urge to do it. Ok, so its go time and allllll that stuff you learned from the older woman, you know, on how to be the worlds greatest lover… it goes clean out the window, and you start doing those same 2 sex moves that you were doing back in the day when you first started. And you know what? It was still the same result, but afterwards you feel proud because fuck it, they are your shitty sex moves… and hey, you got a nut.  I forgot where I was going with this… OH YEAH! BLOGGING! Its kinda like all that… minus the sex of course. Sure I may use the same two lame moves for a while, but just give me a little while. One day I will be a blogging porn star!




3 Responses to “Have You Ever Made Love to a Weirdo?”

  1. 1 Chester Cheetah
    January 6, 2009 at 10:51 am

    Everything I know about sex I learned from Sue Johanson.

  2. 2 Victor Velcro
    January 6, 2009 at 5:17 am

    I HEARD about the Oxygen pornos. One of my friends… he watched them and told me about… the… It was Zaq! Zaq watches the Oxygen pornos! I’m strictly a Lifetime Original Movie guy. Gotta keep it classy.

  3. 3 Carlotta Chintz
    January 6, 2009 at 5:10 am

    Is this from personal experience?
    And what are you doing watching porn on OXYGEN of all channels? That is a women’s channel…

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