Archive for the 'Diurnal' Category


I like to move it (NOT)

big-buttLately, I have been sitting on my phat butt more than usual.  Some people would attribute this to the inordinate amount of work expected of me this year, but I believe the cause to be a highly intrinsic aspect of my personality- I am just plain lazy.  No worries, this defect does not appear to be genetic.  I must have contracted it somewhere around my sophomore year of high school.

Yesterday however, I decided (for the fifteenth time) that it was time to rid myself of this extra jiggle and get back into shape.  Even I think it’s a little sad that I can’t climb the one set of stairs to my bedroom without breaking a sweat.  So I did just that- I climbed the stairs to my bedroom and did a jumping workout for fifteen minutes.  And then collapsed on the floor gasping.

The last time I worked out, I ran around the block for ten minutes, and I was staggering through the house holding my throbbing ears (it was cold out, I hadn’t worn a hat) for twenty minutes afterwards.

And the time before that, I ran around the track for twenty minutes, and hobbled home with excruciating shinsplints.

And the time before that, I popped a disc doing a backbend in ballet.

You get the picture.  You feel my pain.

The only thing I’ve been able to do with any sort of consistency is yoga.  And clubbing.  I guess if I combine the two of them I have my strength training and my cardio.  I’m still building up my endurance so I can go out four times a week.  You know, get my workouts in like I’m supposed to.



The other day I was carrying my four 50lb bags up the stairs and I thought to myself, “I can lift heavy things too, and I’m a girl. Take that you manly men!”

And I’ve got the manzilla trapezius muscles to prove it. They’re kind of scary actually.


She really missed the train on that one

So I’m running late for work, as usual, and I get into the train station, swipe my MetroCard and make a mad dash for the platform (which includes hopping down a flight of stairs in four-inch heels) only to see… the end of the train disappearing down the tunnel.



That is so annoying. And it’s the middle of summer.  So I’m sitting, or standing, rather, on a sweltering cement slab fifteen feet under the city’s filthy traffic.  For the next five minutes.  Isn’t that a lovely way to start your day.  Good thing I put on deodorant.  Or wait, did I remember?  Oh God.


Bite Me

I hate mosquitoes.  Plain and simple.  They eat me up and leave me covered with huge red bumps.  I look like I have some kind of disease.  And when you don’t smack them early enough, the bites itch and itch and itch for days, until my legs are a bloody, lumpy mass of skin.

And now my doctor wants me to get tested for West Nile disease.


Short-term memory loss?

I just spent twenty minutes trying to remember how to log into the blog!  This is what happens when you become dependent on Firefox to remember your browsing history for you.

My brain is too young to be forgetting things so easily. In five seconds, literally, I had forgotten why I was on Facebook.  It doesn’t help that there are a million interesting facts in my mini feed to distract me, either.

Most of the time, my early-onset senility is covered by the fact that I have bunches of electronic devices to remember my things for me.  My Google calendar is synced with my iCal and my Plaxo calendar and my cell phone.  I have five To-Do lists in my planner, and I carry around a second copy of my entire phone book just in case.

Do not let this fool you- I do have a problem.  I can barely remember the conversation I had five minutes ago, let alone what I ate for breakfast this morning, and you can forget about anything that happened yesterday.  Or I can forget about it. Either way.

This does become a tad irritating when it comes to organizing things that have deadlines.  Things like papers. And projects.  And bills. Oh maybe that’s why there’s no gas…


Work? Who has time for work?

With all of the amazingly interesting time-wasting things you could be doing, who has time to even think about work?

I, for one, don’t.

I have my innards to twist in yoga poses, and portuguese tapes to blast on the speakers (O meu nome é LazyBrains. E o seu?) I also have Mandarin Chinese characters to memorize, and thirteen more of the books on the New York Times bestseller list to read. I’ve always wanted to learn how to knit, and I should pick up crocheting while I’m at it. Someone has to train the dog how to roll over, and knowing how to tap dance could really come in handy someday.

And of course, there is the ultimate time-waster: Facebook. I don’t think I even need to elaborate.

Here, waste your own time:

Brazilian Portuguese, Introduction

This is where that tap dancing’ll get you:

Train Your Dog to Roll Over My dog will barely sit for more than five seconds. She also loves fruit.

A book that is NOT a waste of time: The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay. (Disclaimer: This book is only for the insightfully-minded.)

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