Posts Tagged ‘Obama

14
Jan
09

If I Could Just Touch the Hem of His Brooks Brothers Suit…

I swear to God, America has developed an “If I Could Just Touch the Hem of His Garment” complex with Barack Obama (for those of you not familiar with the New Testament that is a reference to the woman with the hemorrhage who said if she could just touch the hem of Jesus’s robe she would be healed. She touched it, and she was healed). Anyway, it seems the media is looking for anyone and I mean ANYONE who knew Barack or Michelle Obama at some point before he ran for public office. It is ridiculous. They will find that person who took Barack’s drivers license picture back in Hawaii and ask them dumb questions like, “Would you ever have guessed that he would be president one day?” The answer is NO. Just like guys at Yale didn’t know that the coke head doing a keg stand on their coffee table was going to be president one day (George W. Bush). I swear news outlets have entire staffs devoted to finding people that knew the Obamas back in the day. One day you are going to turn on the news and see this:

In this CNN exclusive, we have the woman Barack dated… before Michelle Reporter: So when did you first meet Barack?

Woman: Well it was at a party at Harvard. He was really quiet.

Reporter: How long were you in a relationship with President-Elect Obama?

Woman: Back then, we just called him Barry. And it wasn’t much of a relationship… actually we just hooked up that night at the party.

Reporter: I see, so… when you were “hooking up”, did you know you were sucking the future 44th president’s dick?

And this is the shit people are calling news nowadays. We have an economy in shambles, Israel is blasting Gaza, people are losing jobs… and the media wants to know “who knew Barack 15 years ago” or what dog Sasha and Maliah are going to get. I will put an end to this madness: No one really knew Barack was going to become president one day and if they say they did they are lying and the kids are getting a pitbull… or a rottweiler. Some really hood dog.

09
Dec
08

FOR SALE: senate seat

I’ve got a Democratic senate seat for sale! This is the position once held by president-elect Obama that helped propel him into his newfound glory. Do you have presidential aspirations? Want to follow in his footsteps? Then this is the position for you! You too could be an Illinois senator!

Payment options:
1) A substantial salary for myself, either at a non-profit foundation or a labor union organization.

2) Placing my wife on a paid corporate board.

3) Campaign funds. I accept cash money up front!

4) A cabinet post or an ambassadorship for Yours Truly.

This is the opportunity of a lifetime, not to be missed! Remember: “I’m just not giving it up for fucking nothing. I’m not gonna do it!!”




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